there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
