This is not my ceiling
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever