it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.