mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Your penis caused this!
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