just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
