He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
