when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
