I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We left an ass print on the piano.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She needs sedatives and a leash
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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