Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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