apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
