haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
