I cockslap morals
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
