1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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