Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
