My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
