I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
