There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
third nipple confirmed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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