how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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