i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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