i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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