My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize