But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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