Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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