i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
