it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
