You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
