you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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