I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize