So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
