There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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