i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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