I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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