We got so high we made milksteak
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
