He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
