Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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