sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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