He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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