It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
