I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
