I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
