Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.

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(516): View more from New York

matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now

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(619): View more from California

yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work

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(909): View more from California

Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew

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(865): View more from Tennessee

So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.

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(850): View more from Florida

Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.

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