Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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