he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
