While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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