You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
