brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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