So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
