I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
