I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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