Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
