Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
