My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
