their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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