then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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