I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
