I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize